If I’m Going To Be Fair Weather, Then Let It Be About Tom De Koning (14/3/24)

Carlton play Richmond @ the MCG. I hate Richmond. Tom De Koning exists. My perspectives are warped. For that, I apologise.

Quarter One

De Koning Update: Not In The Air (As of editing this, I think I’ve been very harsh on Tom throughout the first three quarters. I blame the fact that he’s my Carlton guy and everything Carlton for me is everything TDK. Lots of unwarranted pressure. Still, not in the air.)

Tom Lynch (baby) kicked two (2) goals one of which was off a TDK push in the back and the other was off a Young 'high contact'. The push was there, the high contact was not. If anything, that should've been called front on contact or holding for a jumper pull, not a high contact. No head in it, man!

AHHHHHHHHH!!! I AM SCARED

The players don't care (they have like 30 tackles)

Is Charlie okay??? Old mate got stomped on, whole face was bleeding or something whaaat

Barry (Harry McKay) pls they're ganging up on you

We need a fucking Curnow masterclass man I don’t trust any of this. Small forwards?? Matt Owies doing alright but man we’re missing Martin and Motlop

If you can't tell I'm not being neutral about this I hate Richmond with a passion

Jayden Short is part of that but I love that he only kicks goals from way out. That was cool

Everything else was not cool at all

Am I convinced the umps are biased? No. Am I close? Hell fucking yes

My sister is at a camp right now. She may be watching this. I am scared for what she will say on this when I see her tomorrow.

Quarter Two

Gibcus nooooooooo fuck that looked really bad shit haven’t you been injured lots previously too??? Crap! (edit: ACL injury. That’s like 8 since 2023 season ended what the hell)

Prestia out (Hamstring, Rhyan Mansell subbed in at quarter time)

ok can i

can i be pissed now?

TOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGGGG (De Koning: Not In The Air!)

what the fucking fuck was that last call man :( (edit: I forgot what this was about. Probably a high contact or something)

and he didnt kick a goal :(( that's twice now he’s missed cmon mate kick it through :(

lucky nank (Toby Nankervis, Richmond ruckman, very good) missed i think i might have cried

i am too emotionally invested in this.

anyways.

Carlton got good but they can't kick. Then Richmond kicked a goal. They lead by one. What even is this :(

Charlie 'Got Stomped On The Face' Curnow kicked a goal

Barry McKay sprays two and kicks the third.

I started singing 'mckay's in the air' and now I am sad because de koning not in the air

Etc etc etc

Quarter Three

i am going to fucking scream

the players don't care they don't give a rat's backside etc

it was a shootout until it wasn't. now the tigs have an 8 point lead. Booooooo

rhyan mansell that is what you get for being named rhyan (he hit the inside goalpost from 5 metres out) (gryan miers would never) (he would actually)

tom de koning. Huh. (status: Not In The Air But Getting Better. I Guess. More on his form in the last segment)

lewis young went off but he seems ok now. carlton are able to keep their players ok while richmond Cannot

tylar young went off and he has sustained concussion

richmond are 3 players down and they still lead

Patrick cripps??? never fucking heard of him (edit: This was a dumb call. I’m clearly blind. He had the most disposals for Carlton at 3 quarter time. I’m so sorry Fish and Cripps)

oh my god

Quarter Four

oh my fucking god

THE PLAYERS CARE!! THEY GIVE A RATS' BACKSIDE!! THEY WANT TO CHASE!! THEY WANT TO PLAY!!

the actual quarter is actually a fever dream. i like. blacked out every time richmond got the ball forward I'm out here like 'oh fuck' because i know they can score a goal from it, they have the whole freakin game

and they did! carlton just recovered it enough and put the pressure on to make sure the tigers didn't run out winners

like what???

some other, generally more specific notes

TOM DE KONING STATUS: IN THE FUCKING AIR BAYBEEEEEE

LOVELY QUARTER FROM TOM DE KONING. KICKS A GOAL FROM 50 M OUT. TAKES SOME SICK MARKS. DE KONING IN THE AIR??? YOU FUCKEN KNOW IT (also some great ruckwork against Literally Toby Nankervis which says enough because Nank The Tank is epic good)

Today I found out my English teacher's favourite player is Adam Cerra. Given that goal, understanble.

Patrick Cripps?? 20+ contested possessions?? Yeah, I've heard of him.

No Boyd goal :( he has not kicked one yet :(

No injuries which is good

noah balta fluctuates. not as bad as kosi though (man imagine if kosi had played.... so many emotions)

My cheekbones hurt from all the out-loud worrying lol

everywhere you look around.... de koning's everywhere... leaving bodies on the ground.... what am i hearing 4 contested possessions, 2 tackles, 3 intercepts, 4 inside 50s... in the last quarter alone................... and he's better than his brother! even better than his dad! cuz there's only one thomas de koning and he's the best one that we'll ever haaaaaaave

I'm obsessed with his disposals actually they always come off really fucking well like ????? that's amazing from him. i also am obsessed with the way he plays on in the corridor. it looks so fucking good like yes tom you're fuckin awesome let's go

charlie curnow did a funny (or was that in the third quarter?? the one where he missed the boot from 2 metres out)

okay FUNNY FUCKING STORY

so i have special feelings about the roaming brian segment because it's how i found out about the de koning brothers.

so I'm watching tonight's one yk. and I'm just like 'brian pls find the de konings surely they're there' because i want 1) jackie content and 2) sam content. terry also works but like ???

anyways brian does not find them. very sad. he does talk to ayla Williams (zac's daughter) who is SO CUTE LIEK EUGSHIJWKDSLADSA 'hello' and 'go blues!' like AYLA YOU ARE ADORABLE I LVOE YOU but still no de koning

he ends the segment and goes to the desk where the other commentators are at. have some chat about the stuff going on in the rooms etc. and then

brian starts pointing behind the camera into the crowd of carlton supporters and goes 'is that the guy from the chaser?? the one in the glasses??' and everyone's like super confused. I'm out here like what the fuck is the supernerd doing at the footy

then it cuts to the 'chaser in question'. he's wearing thick black glasses and a carlton scarf. i watch the chase sometimes and i know that ain't a fuckin chaser. i wonder who it is.

then i notice a badge on the guy's scarf. a tom de koning badge.

i get it maybe a second before the comms do.

'no, that's terry de koning. y'know. sam and tom de koning's dad.'

and brian makes the FUNNIEST FUCKING FACE. HE DEADASS JUST WENT O.o

and they fucking call on joel to confirm because yeah he'd know that (he should, anyway. unless they never go to geelong games which like ??? don't think that is how it works lol)

but anyways. carlton can't keep getting away with it, de koning's in the air, HAVE A NICE DAY!