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First Game Of The Season Let’s Goooo (7/3/24)

Sydney play Melbourne @ SCG. Otherwise known as the Grundy Cup.

Terminology:

The LIZARD- Sydney player Nick Blakey; so named because of the way he moves through the contest much like a lizard scampering around.

Clarry - Melbourne player Clayton Oliver. The one with the shit haircut.

Bro-not-dee Grun-not-dee - Sydney player Brodie Grundy; so named because he played for Melbourne last season.

Trac - Melbourne player Christian Petracca.

TDK - Carlton player Tom De Koning; initials. (Don’t even ask how, it just happens)


Quarter One:

  • The LIZARD being LIZARD-like as always. Always been a fan of the antics of the LIZARD but never have I been so appreciative of the way that THE LIZARD LIZARDS his way through a contest.
  • Clarry doing alright. I kinda forgot about all the details of what he got up to in the off-season but winning back the respect of one’s teammates is something I think I can understand so to see him playing pretty well brings joy.
  • Bro-not-dee Grun-not-dee takes a sick mark and then proceeds to show he’s still got a little Melb in him by 1) kicking it directly to Jake Lever and 2) kicking it directly to Jake Lever.
  • Melbourne still can’t kick for shit.
  • PAPLEY’S KICKED A GOAL. FROM INSIDE THE CENTRE SQUARE BUT LIKE ON THE EDGE LOL. PAPLEY’S KICKED A GOAL. FAHK
  • I still suck at names. Notably, I keep calling Melbourne players that aren’t Trent Rivers Trent Rivers and then I feel super bad because I actually like Trent Rivers
  • I’m eating honey soy chips that I bought yesterday after softball because I never eat honey soy chips and they’re super good and I think they might become my Football Snack™️ assuming I keep buying them (Which I probably won’t, to be honest.)

    • Quarter Two:

  • Essentially; Sydney kick a goal at the very start that puts them up by a goal. Then no goals are scored for the entire goddamn quarter. Then, Ed fucking Langdon takes a mark after the siren and kicks a goal to put Melbourne back within that goal.
  • So virtually, no progress was made during that quarter. Nothing happened. It was great to watch, though. I love it when no goals are scored. It makes me feel funny
  • The LIZARD continues to LIZARD around.
  • Maybe Brodie Grundy’s a little washed. Just a little bit, though. Not doing insanely good but he’s not been cursed by the commentators which is pretty damn good to be perfectly honest.
  • Is it like. Sweltering in Sydney right now? Because nobody can mark the goddamn ball. They can’t even pick it up properly sometimes like ?????
  • I am willing to accept that it may be nerves because it’s their first game of the season but LOLOL TRAC DROPPED THE FUNNIEST SITTER TO EVER BE DROPPED LIKE DUDE THAT THING JUST FLEW PAST YOUR HANDS EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE RIGHT THERE LIKE WHAT
  • Alex Neal-Bullen scoring a goal to make Melbourne feel less bad about themselves and then the ARC deciding that ‘as my first decree of this year i decide fuck you’ is lowkey sad. But also hilarious. Rip
  • Errol Gulden??? He is good??? He looks like a generic white boy but like he’s good at football I guess
  • I forgot to mention this earlier, but Melbourne have started doing a think where while they’re walking out onto the field they touch a red and blue helmet similar to the one that Angus Brayshow wore before he retired due to concussion-related deterioration. Like. Damn. Mad respect. I might cry now
  • I’ve figured out Trent Rivers. He wears the number 24, but more importantly, he was wearing bright green boots. Gotta love the bright green boots.
  • I have this rule to prevent myself from eating all the chips before half time by only eating a chip
    • when a score occurs, or a few during breaks. As such, I haven’t eaten enough chips this quarter :(
  • A lot of it is definitely due to nobody being able to take a solide f50 mark that’s actually in the f50.
  • But Melbourne also just suck ass at leads for some reason. You’d think they’d learn that by now :(
  • And Sydney jsut get carried away with it a little. They have to hold the ball that extra second to allow the forwards to do more than just sprint to the goal square.
  • Or something like that, I don’t play football.

    • Quarter 3:

  • Have I talked about how Brodie Grundy moves before the ball is even bounced? Because I think it’s pretty cool. Been thinking about what would happen if he did that against Carlton. I think they’d need to play Pittonet in that situation. TDK and Gawn are both pretty athletic so I dunno. Or they could jsut jump on each other, that works too.
  • McLean, my boy, stop missing!!
  • Also Melbourne are good now I guess.
  • The LIZARD continues to LIZARD!!!
  • Bowey got injured, did his left shoulder in a contest. Awfully brave of him, sucks that he might miss weeks for it cuz injury :(
  • McInerney is doing really really well, what the fuck
  • Why can’t anyone mark the ball damnit
  • LOL at Max Gawn toeing the ball and it just springing STRAIGHT outta bounds

    • Post Game Summary:

    Overall, a lovely, though sometimes irritating contest between two sides who we expect to contend for finals, if not the premiership at a closer level. This really depends on who you ask; I found the game's back-and-forthness entertaining, though I'm sure other sources may call it a horrible game for much of its duration.

    Sydney overran Melbourne a little (a lot) at the end, the scoreline being 12.14 (86) to 9.10 (64), given a margin of 22 points. That’s two off my tipped margin. RIP me

    Jacob Van Rooyen really tried quite well, he just didn’t get enough hands on it. The one goal he scored was a falcon off his own face, that because he was falling over, hit his lower leg on the way down and went through the goals. What

    LIZARD did good

    Grundy actually played quite well all things considered. Grundy revenge arc oh boy

    Condolences to Melbourne. Bowey injured and a loss to start the year. They can recover. They have. Let’s see how far these two teams go during the season.